Learning to Love Yourself

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Mary Kay

Hello, Everyone! 

It's been some time, hasn't it? I recently had a major change in my life and I just had to write about it. I'm writing on "Learning to Love Yourself Part 2" because it's about my self-esteem...

As you know, those of you who were reading my blog before, I was going to school to become a paralegal. Some things happened and my school was no longer offering the paralegal program online anymore. I am not in a position to take ground courses right now, so I had two options:

Change schools or
Change programs

Now, I've always wanted to become a paralegal or at least work in the law field. So you would think my first impulse would be to change schools...

WRONG!

It all happened so quickly, let me back up...

I clean this lady's house once a week, a Mary Kay Sales Director. I had a Mary Kay party for her with a couple of friends and I began using the products. I do not know her income level, but I see how she lives. She is always available for her family because she creates her own schedule. She does not answer to a boss, she is her own boss. She is always dressed nice, her hair is fixed and her makeup is on pretty. Furthermore, she seems genuinely happy at what she does. I started to think that maybe I could do the same thing...

Then one night, after I got the news about my school, I received an email from her. It was a bulk email sent out to her customers. It mentioned about starting your own Mary Kay business and becoming an Independent Beauty Consultant. In the email, it specifically said, "so if you have been thinking about it, or if you feel this email is talking directly to you, give me a call so we can talk about it." Well, that's all I needed for a sign. The next morning, I decided to change my major to Small Business Management and I texted her telling her I wanted in...

Two weeks later, November 3, 2015, I signed the contracts with Mary Kay, I got my own Mary Kay website and email account, and I ordered a starter kit along with some other necessities. I am officially a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant! I went to my first Mary Kay meeting today and met some other Mary Kay ladies in my unit. They were amazing. Let me back up again...

You probably all know that I suffer from bi-polar disorder. From Halloween until the middle of February I get severely depressed at times, even on my medication. It is not the best time for me mentally, emotionally, or for my self-esteem. So, I signed the contract, ordered my things, and I got real depressed. I did not want to go to the meeting at all. I texted my Sales Director and explained what was going on. Now, at these meetings, anytime you do anything Mary Kay, you have to be dressed to the "T". My sales director said, come to the meeting. It doesn't matter that you have on jeans and a T-shirt without makeup right now if you're feeling bad. Just come. So, reluctantly I did (an hour late)...

WOW!!!

The way these ladies made me feel was incredible. They didn't do anything special, just their energy and vibe. That exact way that they made me feel is one of the reasons my Sales Director loves her job. Because Mary Kay ladies do more than just sell makeup, they make women feel good about themselves...

This is another sign that I am going in the right direction. I need positive women in my life right now. I couldn't have asked for a better group of girls. This new business that I am starting will not only help me financially but also emotionally and mentally. It will give me the self-esteem I desire...

So, help me help myself. Whether you are reading this in PA or TX or anywhere in between, I am going to be taking on many challenges over the next 60 days to get my business up and running. One of the challenges is to do 30 faces in 30 days. If you are in Texas, let me do a facial or a makeover on you and a friend or two. I'm not asking you to buy anything. I need to get the practice in and I want to achieve my goal of 30 faces. If you are in Pennsylvania reading this, I'm coming up December 3rd-10th. I am bringing my Mary Kay business with me. Get a couple of friends together and let's be pampered for the day. I know there are 30 of you out there who can help me out with this...

So, that's my story. I've contracted to start my own Mary Kay business over night and I am determined to get this business booming by Christmas!

Love you all!! Thank's for reading!!

Danielle Mary Kay

Saturday, March 21, 2015

I'M BACK

Hey Everyone! I'm Back!!
I haven't written in about a month or so I guess. I've been doing well with school, straight "A's" so far. I've been busy too with school. I've also been busy writing a guest blog for "JingleJangleJungle.net" to be posted Sunday, March 29, 2015.

So, this is my blog on self-esteem. And mine is real low right now. I haven't been doing well in this area lately. I quit my job in January so I could attend school full-time. Well, I didn't realize I was sitting in front of a computer so much that I gained 20 lbs. So, I've been down on myself because of my weight. I also have been second guessing whether I'm good enough for my fiance or not. He's the good one. I'm the one with all of the addiction problems. I have all of the no-good friends. I am still a happy and loving person. Just not so much with myself. I'm not going to sit here and spew depression. I want to know why I feel this way about myself. What on earth gave me a complex this bad? I mean, I've always had self-esteem problems, but not like this. I just feel ugly. The funny thing was if I was a friend to myself, I'd tell myself to stop being ridiculous! That not everyone was a 4 and that I was beautiful in my own way. That everyone had their own beauty. But I'm not my friend, I'm myself, and I feel blah!!

As anyone ever felt this way? Felt like they weren't good enough for someone, after 9 years!?!? I wish I could figure out how to put the comments on my blog. That's another thing. I'm not computer smart. I have this simple blog (2 blogs) that I started. They were supposed to be for me. So I could talk about y issues, not so much for something interesting for people to read. I was supposed to blog every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday on my "Addiction" blog and Tuesday and Thursday on my "Self-esteem" blog. You can see how well that worked out, I don't follow through on anything. I even can't believe I'm still in school!

Well, this gives me something to think about at least. Hopefully next time I'll have something more upbeat and positive.


Sunday, February 22, 2015

Depression


Sorry that I've been quiet for a while. I've been hitting the books hard! And this coming week, is my last for the semester, then I have a week off and it's back to the grind! But I'm enjoying myself in school. So...I thought I'd say hello to everyone before I study for my finals this week.
HELLO! 
I hope everyone is doing well out there. I am, for the most part. I'm not picking up, which that in itself is a wonderful part of life! But I have been going through some stuff. I've been out of one of my medications for a week (pharmacy/insurance/doctor/pre-authorizations are holding me up). So, I'm wondering if that has to do with what I'm going through. Also, I started back on Chantix. (I hope my online friend is reading this to know...I'm back in the game with quitting smoking with him!) But last time I was on Chantix I got severely depressed. I missed a whole week of work because I was a wreck. I couldn't stop crying, I didn't want to get out of bed, shower, nothing. It was if I had started using. I did go off my medication too at that time. And look now, my one prescription I've been off for a week and I'm back on Chantix. Oh wonderful! Also, I slipped up close to the end of depression. No excuses, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I started to feel suicidal and I didn't want that, so what does my disease tell me..."Use and you won't be depressed anymore. You'll feel great and want to live!" Usually, if I'm off of my medication...it's not a good sign. It brings me to places I wouldn't want my worst enemy to go to. So, I guess I'm telling you all of this so it comes out. You have to bring your dark secrets to the light, or they will keep you sick. And sick people relapse. So, I'm a little nervous. I don't know how I'm going to feel or react one minute to the next. My bipolar kicks in hard! I'm on cloud 9 one minute, the next I'm ready to take someone's head off (or my own).
During this time, until I can get back on track with my medication, It's going to be hard with finals this week, but I think I will blog more. It's good to get all of this stuff out. It's healthy. And I would love some comments. That would make my day!! Anything. If you have suggestions, I'm all ears. Being bipolar is no joke. Sure, when you're on your "mania" everything is wonderful! You might over spend, over commit your time, or talk too much and say things you shouldn't, but you feel elated. It's the depression part that hits me hard. I have to try and stay positive. I believe that a person's state of mind can do wonders! Like, if I say 1 or 2 positive affirmations a day and really believe them, my mood will change. Or if I start feeling depressed and thinking negative thoughts...I MUST change my thinking around and think of all of the positives in my life. Also, (if I'm not too far into my depression) I can switch the current negative situation around to find a positive that could come out of it. So, the affirmations will help me with the depression part and turning around my thinking will help my "stinkin' thinkin'". So, somehow, in between finals and being a mom/wife and life, I will have to be proactive. See, I can't wait until the depression hits to write affirmations. It won't be as effective. I have to do it now before I go off of the deep end. 
For those of you who read my blog and know me personally, if you wouldn't mind checking in on me, I'd appreciate it. None of this may even happen. But THIS TIME I'm going to be prepared. I won't let my addiction attack me at my weakest moments. I need to be one step ahead of it at all times. Thank you again for reading and going through this journey with me!
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Sunday, February 1, 2015

Life is good!

Today is a great day! A great day to be alive, clean and sober!! My self-esteem is coming back. I'm feeling myself again. My true self. The one everyone loves!! I'm starting to remember WHO I am! And it feels great! I'm actually going to quit smoking as well. So, lets see how I do with that. I'm going to be 38 in a couple of days and it's time to really start thinking about my health. An online friend is also quitting too so...wish us good luck! It's amazing how much money one has when they don't use! And now, think of all the money I'll be saving not smoking! I won't get ahead of myself. I literally just started. But we'll see. And the great thing is...we're becoming a family again. A close family. Things are falling back in place. I know...I'm all over the place. It's just...SO MUCH IS GOOD! Now, I know there will be bumps along the road...just as long as there aren't any more bruises. It's a beautiful day here in Texas. The sun is shining (something I haven't noticed in a while). And it's gorgeous out!! What do they say, "Don't leave before the miracle happens!" Well, I'm glad I didn't. Last week I was talking about coming out of the darkness into the light. Well, the light is shining!! Shining on me!! It's awesome to feel this way about life. One of my favorite quotes is, "Nothing changes if nothing changes!" And I changed!! Changed for the better. I gotta hold on to days like this, because I know every day will not be so incredible. But for right now...LIFE IS GOOD!

Monday, January 19, 2015

SELF-ESTEEM BOOST

I've had the most amazing day with school! It definatly gave my self-esteem a boost! I was so worried all week about this 3 page Criminal Justice report I had to write, APA style, with citations, references, etc. Now I've been out of school 20 years, and didn't pay attention my entire high school years because I was "too busy" to. I only graduated because I tried to take my life my senior year and spent 90 days in a dual diagnosed treatment center. The teachers and staff felt bad for me. Anyway, I was no scholar. So when this paper came up, (and it looks like there will be 1 a week for the rest of the semester) I freaked. But........I got a 98%! And in my comment section, the instructor wrote "impressive writing". So, in both my classes so far, I have an A! I know it's the beginning (semester ends March 1st) but I've had 10 graded assignments.  And my average is a 98.6% in my Success course,  and a 96.9% in Criminal Justice! I knew I could do it, just needed as little reinforcement. I expected a lower grade my first couple weeks, because I'm not used to college or the way the instructors want assignments and reports completed.  But it looks like I'm right there with them! So that was my self-esteem boost for the day...What was yours?

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

ON MY WAY

Hello everyone! 

This is my follow up blog "Learning to Love Yourself - 2/Self-Esteem"

Monday, January 5th, I started online college for the first time. It was scary at first. Before classes began, I had so much anxiety. You see, I enrolled in college 2 other times. The first time I enrolled I was 21. It was community college, and me and my 16 year older sister decided to go for it. Well, at the first quiz I quit. I didn't even take the quiz. I walked up to the instructor and asked why everything that was asked on the quiz we did NOT learn in class. She informed me that the quiz was on the material we should have read over the past week. So I left. The second time I enrolled in college,  I was 30 years old. Here, I was in active addiction and, well, you can put 2 and 2 together.

But this time is right. I just know it! 

I'm taking 2 courses.  The first is perfect for me. "Pathways to Academic & Professional Success". This course is amazing! I've already learned so much about myself, and how to change what is not working for me. For instance, while I good at self-motivation,  I am poor at time-management.  So for that I have to write down what needs to be done. Prioritize! And set time limits.

My second course is "Intro to Criminal Justice". I'm diving right into my major. Love it! It's a lot of hard work but extremely interesting. 

Well, enrolling, and starting school lifted my self-esteem.  I feel more confident already. So, for part 2 of "Learning to Love Yourself/Self-Esteem", I believe I'm on the right track.